Song Lyrics
Brother MacAlaster

Brother MacAlaster

By
Dan Marcotte

Refrain

Doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo doo!

1. Brother MacAlaster, man of the cloth, pious and pompous and wise!

Walked the land with his mace in hand, beneath the sun-filled skies.

A cleric of glorious might! He was called the religious right,

By the wizard, the fighter, the ranger and bard,

Who once thought his teachings were simply too hard!

He forced his companions to pray, all through the night and during the day,

So him they abandoned while he did sleep,

and found them some torch-bearing henchmen to keep! (Refrain)

2. Brother MacAlaster went on his own, and soon was set on by twenty some gnolls!

Raising forth his mace he cried, “I’ll punish all of your flea ridden hides!”

Calling on blessings of light, he beat them soundly throughout the fight!

Shattering kneecaps and splattering brains,

He taught them the meaning of clerical pain!

And Brother MacAlaster found that he could do well all on his own

Experience gathered and power amassed,

He moved up the levels of his holy class. (Refrain)

3. Brother MacAlaster one day did find, a foul pagan temple and demonic shrine.

Striding forth with heaven’s true might, he soon found himself in one hell of a fight!

Demons and devils from portals did burst, engaging him, to make matters worse,

Slaad and githyanki all joined in the fray,

This single poor cleric his soul for to slay!

Though bloodied and burning and tired, MacAlaster summoned celestial fire!

The smell of dead demons was noticed for miles,

Like ass hairs of bugbears and hobgoblin bile! (Refrain)

4. Brother MacAlaster’s one of a kind, he used his great powers his friends for to find.

Though him they abandoned perhaps they would change,

For MacAlaster’s powers were now quite insane!

He found them in a lair of undead! Their state far worse than he could ere dread!

Changed all to wights and zombies and wraiths,

With tears in his eyes he summoned his faith.

Barrier Blades around him did fly, whipping off heads and carving out eyes

Of the wizard, the fighter, the ranger, the bard,

Who once thought his teachings were simply too hard! (Refrain)

5. Listen my friends, the truth I do tell. I’ve been to Gehenna and Hades and Hell.

Pay the lip service your cleric to keep, or you will soon find far more reasons to weep!

For clerics are zealotrous men, who need you far less than you need them.

So get over yourselves, and pray and kneel down,

Would you die with a smile or live with a frown?

For Brother MacAlaster knows that life with a cleric may often blow...

The wind from your sails of sin and delight,

But it’s better than being a zombie or wight.

A cleric of power is great in a fight,

Though life with a cleric may certainly bite,

Like winter’s deep chill of a frost laden night,

Don’t worry the end of this song is in sight! (Refrain)