Song Lyrics
Nigel: The Gayest Dwarf You’ll Ever Meet!

Nigel: The Gayest Dwarf You’ll Ever Meet!

By
Dan Marcotte 2011
Verses set to the Renaissance Ballad Tune Cold and Raw

Refrain

For Nigel, Nigel, was gay as a matter of fact.

Nigel, Nigel, wielded a fine leather axe!

And if you see him struttin’ up and down the street,

You’ll know right away, he’s fair and he’s fey,

The Gayest Dwarf you’ll ever meet!

1.Nigel the Dwarf had a mom and a dad, they lived in the dwarven mines,

One day they said son, you really should go, adventure for to find,

They loved him true but what to do when you’ve got a dwarven son,

Who shaves his beard and talks a bit weird, and tries on clothes for fun?

2. So Nigel joined the adventurers’ Guild at the local Inn,

His friends ignored his fabulous ways, they didn’t know what to make of him,

He hit on everyone they met, this gay dwarf known as Nigel,

‘Cept girly elven men, they looked too much like Katherine Heigel!

Refrain

3. Now Nigel with his fine leather axe, good looks and wit and charm,

More than once wooed his way out of serious harm,

Once there was a bi-curious lord who put his friends in jail,

So Nigel offered to wrestle with him, for to pay their bail!

4. The Lord did like to wrestle so much, he let his friends go free,

And then they decided to rob a mage, most ambitiously,

The mage and Nigel hit it off, exchanging every pleasure,

The party escaped during the jape, and made off with the treasure!

Refrain

5. For ever often dragons do live, but not dwarves in their chaps,

Gargoyles attacked them one day, this led to a spell mishap,

The female elven wizardress, she miscast a spell,

Summoning a monster to help, by chance she summoned Nigel!

6. Nigel appeared where the monster would ‘been, he did block the gargoyle,

Then Turf the Dwarf, (a different dwarf), hurled an axe at Nigel,

He struck him dead, what else can be said, of Nigel and his death,

He cursed ol’ Turf with beardlessness, with his dying breath!

Refrain

7. So if you should one day visit his Inn and stay in Nigel’s bed, ,

His spirit they say, still lingers today, Although he is quite dead,

His ghost appears to guys that are cute, or maybe when there’s a wedding,

So if you are a fey-a-phobe, this inn stay you’ll be dreading!